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Struggle to open the dreamweaver to pen down today's thought but i made did it anyway.Today a special day in life,my birthday.28 years have past by,looking back,memories of good and bad came right infront of my mind.I never really celebrate this day cause i don't like big crowd,but i do wish there is a close one by my side. It sure feel lonely all these years,I remembered last month i attended my friend b'day,a gathering of some rock band in his friend house.We talk and got drunk like we use to be,but people do change sometime.I think the person that change is me,i sort of further myself away from them.Maybe because i felt that i was unable to perform in future after my bandmates had lost interest or i should say they are not willing to carry on this music journey.So it kind of make me drift away from all band friends that i knew of.But now i don't felt the same any more,i just don't gave a fuckin damm.I wanna play music again,and i'll get a new band together someday.So here i am,lonely as 28 years ago when i was first borned into the planet,i like the lyrics of johnathan davis "we are trapped in this world lonely & fading,forgotten& waiting for you to come.I am struck in this world ,that not meant for me". and also the song creep "what the hell i'm doing here,i don't belong here."One of my closed bandmates ,jeff topld me he was in his company committe,so he could arrange some perform during his company dinner & dance nite,but off course it will be two of us minus drummer & bassist.I hope my other friend i used to play with will call me soon.